On The Eve Of A MRI

Note: This Blog Post is 50% serious. For 100% Nonsense, Please See Every Other Post.

It's been quite a hellacious week, but even the most painful situations are loaded with comedy.

First, a quick catch up:

Wednesday Afternoon...Playing Basketball...Playing Defense...Collide With Another Player...Knee Dislocates to back of my leg. Screaming...Lying...Paramedics...Screaming.
Stretcher...Screaming...Ambulance Ride...Potholes...Emergency Room...Screaming...
Knee Popped Back in...Less Screaming...Xrays...Waiting..Knee Fracture...Discharge...Hospital Pharmacy...
Passing Out On Stairs...Code Blue...25 Doctors/Nurses...Emergency Room...Sandwich.

Now the funny parts:

-The perfect way to feel calm about an injury is to have everybody who sees it scream and turn their eyes.

-I'm lying on the floor with my kneecap in a different time zone, and the only thing the paramedics can seem to ask me: When is your birthday? Do you have a fever? It's as if they're trying to deduce what's wrong with me...or if it's too late to get me a present.

-People at the office are coming up with some great nicknames. "One and a Half Step" and "Leggy" are my two favorites. But one person keeps calling me "wheels" and it makes absolutely no sense. There are so many great ones to pick from. Can you please insult me correctly?

-Everybody I interact with (whether I know them or not) has a comment about how messed up by summer is going to be. It's funny, because these people honestly feel like they're consoling you. The sad part is, when the shoe is on the other foot (or the brace is on the other leg) and future me is trying to console somebody, I will most likely say the same thing.

-After Passing Out on the stairs and reappearing in the E.R., my doctor looks me in the eye, laughs and says "Ha, I guess we should have fed you while you were here the first time."

So now I sit her waiting for my appointment with the ortho tomorrow. I'm scared out of my mind trying to anticipate what lies beneath the skin (Last night I dreamt my knee was soup..and all the ligaments/bones were floating around in a brothy like subtance ((hopefully egg drop))).
The more I read the worse it gets, yet I can't stop browsing amateur medical websites.

People keep wishing me luck for the morning. It's a nice thing to say, but it's totally irritating. What's done is done with my knee. If I need surgery, no luck will change that tonight. I wish people would say: Good luck walking down the stairs with crutches...or going to the bathroom. These are areas where I need all the help I can get.

Don't people know it's not proper to wish good luck anyway? If I remember correctly, the right thing to say in this kind of situation is "Break a Leg!"