Where the heck have you been?

Happy One monthiversary since my last post. I'm pretty bad at this whole thing.

I appreciate all the subtle suggestions from the "die hard" readers to get me going again.

I liked the one about how hard it is to get a good bite on a whole plate of nachos...and how comedians should start telling people "we have a crappy show tonight and couldn't really book any good guests," but stick around!

But after today's life changing moment, it's become clear what I need to write about.

Who knew a casual trip to the vending machine would make such a difference. There I was, in a mode of indecisiveness that was even impressive for me, when I decided to give Butterfinger Crisp a try.

Like millions of Americans, I've glanced over The Crisp thousands of times on a way to a different candy selection. It just never seemed to be that appealing of a chocolate hybrid.

But holy Bart Simpson, Nestle is doing a terrible job marketing this thing. It's the world's biggest secret. It's nobody's go to chocolate bar and it may just be the best thing going right now.

It's all the fun of your normal butterfinger, plus a little wafer that really puts the taste over the top...and that's only part of its glory.

As a huge fan of Butterfinger the original, I've always had a problem with it's crumblyness. After far too many pieces of chocolate and finger have fallen into the crevices of my keyboard, I banished the bar from the indoors...now only pulling it out on the golf course. It went from my ace to my long reliever.

To my pleasant surprise, The Crisp eliminates this problem. The wafery goodness holds the whole thing together. It's technology way beyond our chocolate years.

So everybody out there who hasn't tried The Crisp (and that's everybody out there), go buy one before they're taken off the market. Let's tip this thing and give it a fair shot.

You too will be wondering where it's been for so long...like this blog.

Who Is The Mailer Daemon???

And how does she know every e-mail address in the world?

(It has to be female. No man in the world has an address book this up to date)

See Ya July

And all the great stories you gave us

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/law/07/27/jokester.dentist.ap/index.html
Cool stuff like that never happens to me when I go to the dentist. Sad.


http://www.silive.com/news/advance/index.ssf?/base/news/118319238613250.xml&coll=1
This is my nomination for story of the year. There's no point in me even writing anything else.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/TECH/science/07/19/glacier.nudes.ap/index.html
Yes, this will definately draw some attention to shrinkage. I just don't think it will be of the glacier variety.

Here's one fresh from the newswire:
"OVER 5-THOUSAND MARIJUANA PLANTS HAVE BEEN FOUND IN DALLAS, TEXAS. THE NEARLY 3-ACRE SPREAD COVERED IN THE POT PLANT CAN BE SEEN FROM THE AIR. THE PLANTS WERE FOUND PLANTED UNDER SOME TREES OFF A DALLAS HIGHWAY. POLICE WILL BE ON THE GROUND MONDAY TO SECURE AND COLLECT EVIDENCE."

But if you happen to be in the area before Monday...looks like you're in the clear.

From Slate.com
"Barry Bonds broke baseball's all-time home run record last night with a towering, eighth-inning long ball against the Washington Nationals. After smashing his 756th career home run, the seven-time National League MVP pumped his fists in the air repeatedly. Bonds then reached into his back pocket and pulled out a large syringe labeled "DRUGS FOR CHEATING AT BASEBALL." The San Francisco Giants slugger lowered his pants, injected himself in the buttocks, and extended both middle fingers before setting off on his record-setting jaunt around the bases."

Great Joke, Wish I made it.

Leno: The Only Chance That Michael Vick has of getting off is an all cat jury.

Unnecessary Over-Analysis of Fast Food Advertising

So Subway has ripped off the monopoly game from McDonalds and put Scrabble stickers on their drinks and tuna and what not.

I'm fine with that, mostly because I can't stop laughing at the new commercial.

Why are all the folks who get soaked by flying soft drinks so happy? They've just been pelted by a stream of cola and look like they've never been more satisfied. Why aren't they jealous that the person next to them (who has just ruined their clothing) has just won a Sandals vacation? After all, they were probably either just in front or behind the beverage chucker in line to buy their sub and just barely missed the winning sticker.

Subway has seriously misrepresented a strangers reaction to being drenched with diet. Next time I'm there, I plan to hurl my drink all over my sandwich artist before declaring "sorry, I thought I got the letter x."

Wimbledon

It's that time of year again where you get to play tennis on grass.

I love watching adult tennis players get little league green stains on their elbows.

It got me to think...what other sports would be hilarious on alternative surfaces? Here's what I got off the top of my head.

1) Soccer on Ice
2) Stock Car Racing on The Beach (Picture Pit Stops)
3) Golf On Hardwood Floors (700 Yard Drives)
4) Football In The Ocean*
5) Hockey In Confined Basement On Carpet*
6) Baseball In A Raquetball Court
7) Basketball On Rubber
8) Golf On Ski Slope**
9) Wrestling On a Hammock
10) Boxing In an Open Helicopter

Let Me Know If You Can Think of Others

*Been There, Done That
**Actually Exists

Thank You Hooters Dirty Hands Wipey Thingy

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?